HASEENA CHAMKEELI KA PHONE NUMBER ;)

After twenty minutes of trying to write something sensible , like something which expresses my concern over HIV infected kids in Rwanda , or something which tries to tell the world that we must save the blue whales before they are all dead , I decided that there are enough pillars of the society to do that , and I also decided that I am hungry .

So now as I munch on a pack of Hide and Seek, I think I will just talk whatever I want to even if it makes me look as intelligent as Sameera Reddy and leaves you sick in the stomach.

* I hate my friends' bf /gfs ..I know this will draw me flak but still I do.chal,just to save myself from being killed I would like to add 'i dont exactly hate them' ..arrey yaar abhi nahi marna mujhe. Abhi toh shaadi bhi nahi hui meri..=p
And no.no......not due to any 'i m jealous' reasons which your evil,devilish mind might be thinking of..!!
But coz after every small trifle or big one its we- FRIENDS , who have to deal with all the tears , all the depressing, monotonous ramblings - 'u know he used to love me sooo much' , 'u know he messages me no more ' x(
I am left with an expressionless face which partly depicts I understand and partly shows 'i ll KILL that IDIOT' for the un-ending, almost always same lines that I am listening to right now..!!!
And then comes the bouncer question "U THINK HE STILL LOVES ME???"
"Well..I think he does..Come on ..Dont waste your time on that a** hole..He z just not your type..!
let the idiot realise how amazing you were and all the wrong he has done to you. Dont message or reply to him ever again..!!"
With these seemingly-inspiring lines my newly 'Abla Nari' transformed to 'phoolan devi' friend opts for this NO-CONTACT RULE..!!
Wow..It was so easy to get rid of him..kitni maahhhaan hu main..mujhe toh kisi newspaper mein AGONY AUNT hona chaiye tha.(mind you it will only lead to considerable rise in breakups and divorces).=D
Just to tell you that this NO-CONTACT RULE has been quite successful in my case .So I suggest it to all of my friends.Its a tested and proven way to get rid of your bf/gf as soon as possible..For furthur details you can surely contact me..HAPPY TO HELP =p
But as I am single (khush hojao saare.I know u r smiling..TAALIYAN..waise RAHUL GANDHI bhi single hai..yesss..He is also on my crush list ;) , so I can only advise it to all my friends .
Acha toh kahan thi main??? yaar ek toh tum log itni bakar bakar karte ho that I completely forget what I was talking about..huh..!!
Haan toh my dear googly-woogly friend will quite contrastingly to my fourrr hour longggggggg
counselling will message or even better call her bf(or maybe soon-to-be-ex yippppeee) the very next day..!!
SO Is she back with him once again.??.Thats a mystery even I need to solve..TOUGHER THAN SUDOKU(I tried playing it but its just soo damn boring coz i couldnt solve even one puzzle) !!
ALL PAINS AND ABSOLUTELY NO GAIN..life an be so tough sometimes..!!

* This is about my mortal fear of lizards!
I just can’t stand *or even sit or lie* them!
No matter if it was my board paper the next day, I used to waste a complete hour in just looking by how many centimetres the wriggly character had budged! And if it won’t, I would scream at the top of my lungs for someone to enter the portals of my room and ‘shoo’ it out of the door! If I had to kiss a frog to turn him into Prince Charming, I could do so...but were it to be replaced by a lizzy, I’d rather never be kissed at all!

* Currently ,I m being bugged by some unknown person on my cell..That idiot isnt even telling me his name(as I am assuming a guy to be bugging me ..hehe..;) .How I wish its 'karan singh grover' OR 'karan kundra' or even better 'rahul gandhi' =p ) .He keeps messaging me ' aan aan aan' .I just cant decipher this code which he unfortunately expects me to , because I can barely understand anything until it is told to me absolutely clearly.! =p
Btw even I am not much behind in these blank calls thingie..Aapki iss nacheez dost ne bhi thode-bahut pange kiye hue hain..How I remember I with my friends used to call-up all the cute guys of my school ..I better not tell you their reactions..Chal if u all are insisting..One guy complained this to his mommy(huh..mama's boy) and the next day his mom was at my house (all thanks to my intelligent brain that I had called him from my own landline number..Nahi ji mobile nhi tha mere paas tab.toh kya hogya?.)
Innocent hone ki kya jabardassst acting ki thi maine..I would have put Barbara Mori to shame..subhaan allah..!!
.Kya din the woh..oohhoo..senti na ho kake..!!

* In other news , the probability of my cousin bro getting engaged is at its raging mad peak now . Woh kisi bhee waqt paraya credit card ban sakta hai . So I once again appeal to all the ladies who have been secretly admiring him from behind pillars , ghoonghats , bushes , trees and other places of hiding , to please step out and declare your undying love towards his bank balance , C grade and misunderstood brand of humor , and now , newly developed husband-ish skill of cleaning rooms. He personally believes that he is one of the last remaining specimen of Men who have that finely balanced personality mix of Akshay Kumar , George Clooney and Guddu Rangeela . What , Guddu Rangeela who ? Arre bhai , Guddu . Apna Guddu ! The famous Bhojpuri Actor who just demonstrated his skills in the smash hit bhojpuri flick , Daroga Babu Bade Kadak . I think he dances exactly like him.
P.S - Now if you are wondering how do I know about GUDDU RANGEELA, then stop using your brains coz it was just a matter of chance that some bhojpuri channel laggya tha on T.V and the damn remote stopped working and as you know "ab uthke channel change karne kaun jayega yarrrr.".!!!

Anyway , coming back to the appeal for my cousin bro , you need to act now , LADIES . Guys , if you are adequately rich , you can push in an application too .=p

* Dad recently bought a Nokia Business Phone . While I am yet to explore it’s multiple features which , Nokia claim , include everything except a Juice Maker and a Nuclear Missile Launch Button , one of its features is that the phone says out the name of the caller . And that’s a pretty interesting thing ...!!

*
Also , I watched ‘Race’ recently.(Yeah.dont look at me wide-eyed ..maine ab jaake dekhi hai.itni busy hoti hun yarr..time hi kahan milta hai.hehe) .It’s a movie where everybody is evil with a head bubbling with deadly plans , everybody is in bed with somebody , and everybody is driving an exotic car .But the movie left me with a very disturbing message – “You wanna be a winner ? Please kill those morals first” . I mean , if I would have watched that movie when I was six , I would have grown up thinking that being truthful is an insult . Not that I am a Harishchandra-2 , but the people in the flick do not even try. Of course , there is one another image from the movie which will not leave me till I breathe my last – That of a topless Akshaye Khanna standing chest facing towards the camera . At least three XL sized sweaters could have been knitted out of the hair on his chest, I swear. Add Anil Kapoor to that , and you have the raw material for the complete winter collection of Rohit ‘Bal’ .=p

PS – HASEENA CHAMKILI KA PHONE NUMBER-BLOG POST TITLE ka koi sense nahi hai . logic mat doondhO . I knew it that aisa TITLE dekh kar u ll pakka read this entire post..Sudhar jao yar . Umar ka to lihaaz karo apni .hehe :p

Anyway , I need to go now .. I know this is not a coherent end . But oye , I am not a writer yaar..:):)

THE THINGS I HATE =P

* I detest having to eat tinda, karela, kaddu and some other god-forbid unpronounceable names of vegetables, every f@#$in day and night for a week...!!!!

* Any person who does not respect and love ROGER FEDERER AND KARAN SINGH GROVER =P
and yeah..RAJEEV KHANDELWAAL TOO..!!!!

* When I decide to dress down for a party, thinking that people there would not be too formal, but there dressed to kill, cute hoity toities look down on me as though I were Cinderella without her magic wand wonder...As if saying ‘Ewww...Did she come here straight from the bed?’ And when I connive to dress up as a lickable cake, with all the artillery suited to win any over the top battle...I still get the looks that scream “What’s with her...did she think she was the host or something?” (Dress up n dress down...who the f@#$ tells us to waste our dressing skills on parties and women anyways?)



* I hate it When I go to a restaurant and try to pour the crushed red pepper on my pizza, only the stupid bottle doesn't pour more than one flake out at a time. This means that I have to spend about 15 minutes furiously pouring the red pepper, while burning about 72,000 calories. I sincerely wish there was a dump truck full of crushed red pepper that unloaded its glorious cargo whenever I snapped my fingers. It's these moderate dreams that get me through the day...=p


* I hateeeeeeeeeee rap music..(I am stretching it to show how much i hate...most of us females understand the length better when things are stretched)

* Waiters who ask, "Would you like to hear our specials?" and then proceed to list about 62 DIFFERENT SPECIALS WITHOUT STOPPING TO SEE IF WE CARE ANYMORE. How many times have you been at a table when this horrific monologue started, and you and your friends are just looking at each other embarrassedly? "Please stop," I whimper to myself. "Please stop." If I were a waiter and I saw 4 of my customers looking down at the table, inspecting the nearest fleck of microscopic dust, and slowly reaching for a screwdriver with which to kill themselves--aka NOBODY WAS LISTENING TO ME--I would probably stop, leave, and send free drinks for everyone to atone for my mortal error. Quick tip: If it looks like someone is going through the pain of giving birth while listening to you, you can safely assume TO STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW.

* People who get in relationships and then never see their friends anymore. HOW MANY SUCH PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW???. I seriously hate this, and it's probably the fastest way for me to hate anyone...and then after any tiffs between them and their partner, they come running to you for solving it..come on yar ,get a life..!!!

* The way girls are instantly seduced by a guy playing a guitar. What is up with this????
My reply--oh.Come on just look at him =p
Pat comes a reply- "But he plays guitar... (dreamy eyes)" ..
huh..crapp..!!!

* People who get really mad at the airport\train counter, as if that's going to solve the problem. "Ah yes, sir, now that you've yelled at me for 15 minutes without stopping to listen, I truly understand your plight and I'm happy to help. Oh wait, sir, there is just one slight problem LIKE THERE AREN'T ANY MORE SEATS ON THE GODDAMN FLIGHT AND YELLING AT ME DEFINITELY ISN'T GOING TO MAKE ME JUMP THROUGH HOOPS FOR YOU." Anyway, find me in a Zen-like state, people-watching, at the airport\railway station.=p
P.S- I have never ever travelled by air..I hate all this coz I often have to go over there to see-off my relatives (chachaji ,bhuaji, my cousins..and some relatives whose relation to me even i fail to understand.=p .)..


* People who get really offended when you compare someone to a famous person. "Did you just compare him to KARAN KUNDRA?!" they say in an indignant tone. Yes, yes I did. IT'S JUST A COMPARISON. TAKE THE MAIN POINT AND MOVE ON
P.S - I have a crush on karan kundra..U dont know who he is?? GOOGLE IT THEN =P


* Oh you've got to be kidding me... The idiot behind be just spilled his syrupy drink all over the floor, and it has run beneath my desk, coating the soles of my shoes. Now I'll have to walk around the rest of the day with that annoying stickyness and sickening sound..uuurgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...HATE IT.!!!

* I hate it when little babies first act pricey and refuse to come to you in front of an audience of like a hundred people judging you and when they do come obligingly, they chose to piss on you before they leave, just to piss you off more... =p



* I absolutely detest making calls to find information or get errands done...like the mechanic for the washing machine is not working..I had 2 do this when dad was out of town (wtf...can’t you make machines that run on like forever?)...the BSNL office when my internet decides to die on me. I first try to revive it by saying... ‘Nahhhhin, tum mujhe chodh ke nahi ja sakte...kya meine isse din ke liye tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya tha?’
But when it dies even more on hearing my c-grade dialogues, I make those dreaded calls.

‘Madam, please tell us if the WLAN is blinking?’
‘Sir, I am blinking n blinking but I’d be damned if I know where to find that light!’
‘Okay got to the settings...there would be a button called ‘wtf’ press it n a page would open...change ‘screw’ tab to ‘god save me here’ and blah blah blah...I am too busy gasping for air by this time to fidget any more with my fingers!
‘Hello, hellooooooooo...madam is there someone educated in the house who can understand what I am saying?’
‘Grrrrr...Damn you...you idiot...you call MY education skills in question...you know I bloody write a blog!
I don’t say that people...
I instead coax my dad or bro to follow up with the rest of the procedures....!!!

* Guys who think they are uber-cool..just because you have got the hottest girl around as ur girlfriend does not qualify you to look around at others as if you pity them....huh..get a life u jerk..!!!
P.S-No offence to any1 in particular..:)

* All people who say they love my blog..but just dont care to drop in their comments..come on guys..dont be morons :):)


* I absolutely grill n grind when a guy I like and am flirting with chooses to ignore me (doesn’t happen too often by the way, just to set the record straight) and worst still actually comes up with corny ‘drop-off’ lines (Is there a term like that...I assumed the opposite of ‘pick-up’ lines would do here!) Some people just don’t have the taste, do they? So just one last word here...Guys, those who like me...raise their hands and those who don’t .........raise your standards!!! =p

More to come in next post..:):)

PRINCESS DIARIES......:):)

Once upon a time, a little princess was born. She was cute, but aren’t all babies cute? She was sweet, but isn’t that what all babies are? Everyone around loved her and wished only the best for her. The little girl grew up with love, care and smiles around her.

Time went on and people noticed that she was not only sweet but smart, not only cute but intelligent, not only lovable but loving and caring. She loved people and trusted them with the unconcern that is only in a child’s nature. She didn’t divide people into good or bad. Everyone was equally good.

She didn’t know about evil and malice, envy and hatred. She only believed that love reigns over the world. And she tried to live accordingly, which was indeed simple for someone possessing a heart of pure gold.

She knew all about her life in advance. That she would get education worthy of a Princess, she would be working for the welfare of her country, she would meet her Prince Charming one fine day, they would get married and live happily ever after. This is the life awaiting every princess, and that’s how our little girl pictured her future.

She grew up into a pretty teenage girl and when she was sixteen, it happened. First she didn’t even realize what was going on. She felt cold and warm at the same time, she played in her mind the same words again and again, her heart and thoughts somehow appeared to rhyme, and just one simple name conquered her whole mind.

She didn’t know if it was what she thought and she asked her best friend about it. Yes, yes, princesses too have best friends. The girl listened carefully to the worries of the little Princess and announced her judgement, If all what you said, dear Princess, is true, then you are in deep trouble my friend… you are in what they call, “love”.

Is it? The Princess thought. How simple it is. One day you are just a Princess and next day you are a Princess in love.
The Princess was very happy to have found her Prince. He seemed to be the one. And she planned how beautiful their wedding would be. If you count all the stars in the sky, all the grains of sand in the oceans, all the roses in the world and all the smiles that have ever been, then you will have a sample of how much I love you, he told her.

And she believed each word of his.
He didn’t promise her the moon or stars . . . he just stood under them with her.
He didn’t promise her all the gold in the world but he made all her dreams come true.
He didn’t promise to stay with her forever, and one day he left.

On that day, the heart of the young Princess broke into pieces, on that day she learned that people might lie, on that day she got to know that the soul can cry too.

But the Princess was a true Princess; she was not allowed to stay lost and sad. So she collected the pieces of her heart, dried the tears of her soul and smiled like nothing was wrong, talked like everything was perfect, and pretended it was not hurting her.

No, she was not hurt that her prince was fake. And she didn’t cry about friends who followed him and left her alone. And she realized what love meant. Love was giving someone the power to destroy you…but trusting them not to. And she didn’t trust anymore.

Years went by; she finished school, received higher education and never again did she trust people, never again did she believe anyone, never again did she cry for people not worthy of her tears. Little by little she learned that the world is full of unpleasant surprises, that people lie, people cheat, people might get angry, might hate, might pretend. She couldn’t accept it but she had no choice other than admit this bitter truth of life.

One day she met a prince. Of course, she didn’t know he was a prince at first. He was wearing jeans and a sweater, looked at her, smiled and said, Hi, I am Prince, What’s your name?
She looked back at him, giving him the coldest glance she could and replied, Sorry, not interested. I am not talking to strangers. And she left.

But the Prince was stubborn, he kept on following her everywhere, talked to her, helped her out in the worst of situations. And little by little she looked closely at him. He was nice, sweet, helpful. And he really seemed to care for her. She started meeting him on a regular basis. They went shopping together, they read together, they watched movies and then discussed them, often up to late in the night. On such days he kissed her gently on the forehead and wished her good night. She smiled silently and when she fell asleep, she thought about him always.

He walked into her life and stayed there like he always belonged to her. He knew her so much that sometimes it made her feel scared. He knew her deepest secrets; he could heal her wounded soul with just a few words.

Days, weeks, months passed. They grew even closer and couldn’t imagine oneself without another. They laughed, they fought, they talked, they got angry, they hurt but still they cared for each other. He was her strength and when everything went wrong he was always the one she would turn to. He taught her lessons of life and she took them gratefully, he gave her a piece of his heart and she kept it carefully as a part of her own soul.

They say falling for someone the first time is easy… it’s the second time around, after you have fallen and trusted someone to catch you and they didn’t… when it becomes difficult to let yourself fall again. Our Princess was falling without any assurance of being caught. But she shouldn’t have had any worries. Because on one sunny day in spring, her Prince in the middle of some fun conversation said, I think I am in love with you. She was stunned but after a minute asked him, You think or you are? I know, I am, he replied and she smiled before she answered saying I am in love with you, too.

You would think that’s time to say that they lived happily ever after? Maybe it is, as today I am somehow in the mood for a happy end.

So yes, they lived happily ever after. Because I want it so...!!:)